Most people confuse communication as expressing one’s ideas. But that’s only half of it. The other half is listening carefully. Do you really know what that means? ⠀
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Listening carefully doesn’t mean hearing what the other person is saying, it means picking up subtext, the subtle clues that reveal what is really important to the person. These clues come out as patterns in people’s language, repeated words, concepts, or feelings. ⠀
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You may even discover information from what notions or comments people avoid. When you identify these triggers, you should ask them to expand upon them to clarify the underlying issue. ⠀
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For example, if a seller says “I would like to know what’s going on,” and asks about the systems you have in place to keep track of the details as well as all the written material you have available, then that person is seeking a sense of control. ⠀ ⠀
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You can confirm this assumption by asking him/her if your comments have made him feel like he has a grip on the issues. You can say something like, “I’m hearing that it’s important to you to have a sense of control over this process, is that right?” ⠀ ⠀
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When you start to truly listen, not just hear what the person says, but listen to all the subtext that’s being communicated to you, then you will start to understand the best way to communicate to that person with a higher sense of trust and rapport.
Ken Goodfellow
Coach Ken International